Conversation with a Conservative (2)

Interviewer: Minister, I'd like to talk briefly about the economy, and in particular, the government's strategy. In a few words, could you summarise what the government's strategy is.
Minister: Look, we inherited a real mess from Labour, with our budget deficit in a huge hole. Our economy was in recession. We decided, after looking at all the options, and based in the advice of financial experts, that the first priority was to cut the deficit. This would restore confidence in our economy. And the best way to cut the deficit was by cutting public finances. This would then give the private sector the ability to take the country out of the recession by not having the public sector acting as a drag on the economy.
I: Well, you've mentioned several things there that I'd like to focus on. As you know, a large portion of the deficit that you inherited from Labour was also due to bailing out the banks. This is one point that Labour are keen to stress. Another point they like to highlight is that the economy was slowly improving from the recession of 2008/09 - the OFS figures support this - and that the economy lost its way once your government introduced its policy of cuts.  What do you say to that?
M: Look, we can't have a government that doesn't pay its way. Yes, it was a difficult decision to implement the cuts, but it was something that we had to do; we can't go on increasing the deficit forever. Our financial reputation would be cut to pieces...
I: (Wryly) So the government has to cut the country to pieces instead?
M: We live in a real world where markets matter. Yes, it's difficult, but there is no alternative.
I: Well, minister, Labour, and some other financial experts would disagree with you there. Some say that cutting too far and too fast is in fact damaging our international reputation rather than enhancing it. By cutting the state sector so much, it is killing off any encouragement for the private sector to invest because of the sheer uncertainty your government has created. Indeed, to rely solely on the private sector to help rescue the economy, some would say, is living in a fantasy land. Private companies are focused on taking risks they are sure of a positive return, and with consumers so unwilling to spend money, it gives companies little reason to take a risk. A vicious circle of the government's own making.
M: We have to give the private sector the time and confidence to want to invest. The public sector alone cannot implement a recovery. We cannot spend even more money and add to our deficit further; that's just madness.
I: Minister, if we look at the USA, it has a national debt of trillions of dollars, but the American economy, due to a government stimulus, is slowly heading in the right direction. In other words, deficits are secondary when it comes to confidence in the country as a whole. No-one expects the USA to collapse tomorrow because of its deficit, and that's why the deficit is something that should be dealt with more sensibly, over a longer time scale. One analogy to the government's strategy here is a man who takes out a mortgage but insists on paying it off in only five years rather than ten, even though it would financially cripple him. What would be your response to that?
M: I think that man should seek advice on his repayments.
I: Thank you, minister.

Conversation with a Conservative (1)

Interviewer: Minister, I'd like to talk about the state of housing. There's concern about some London councils being forced to send low income families to other, cheaper parts of the country. What is your response to this problem?
Minister: Well, you see we live in a free market. If people cannot afford to live somewhere, they are free to move somewhere more suitable to their means.
I: Yes, but minister, some critics say this is a form of social cleansing. What is your response to this accusation?
M: This is pure nonsense. We all live in a free country. There's freedom of movement. We didn't create this problem; it was created by the overspending of the previous government, which means that now councils have to take some serious steps.
I: But how does encouraging poor people to move to areas with fewer jobs help improve growth, for example?
M: As I say, we live in a free market. Obviously, people have to be flexible; that's how we promote dynamism in our economy. Rome wasn't built in day; we should all look long and hard at the sacrifices that we'll all making. We're all in this together, you know!
I: "In this together"? In what way are you making sacrifices, minister?
M:......er......well......I mean, I've had to cut down on the number of servants I use at my pad in the country. But we're getting off the point. Remember that it was the Conservatives who started the "right to buy" which helped give freedom to thousands of families to buy their council houses and put them on the road to prosperity.
I: Yes, the "right to buy", minister, that's true. And how did the Conservatives replenish the housing stock of those thousands of council houses they sold off?
M: (confused)....I'm sorry, I don't quite see what you're getting at.
I: I mean the "right to buy" reduced significantly the number of houses available to those at the lowest rungs of society, and the government has yet to replace them. This is also, is it not, a contributing factor to the rising cost of rents in those deprived areas where councils are no longer afford to pay for their council tenants. If you decrease the supply of housing, minister, you naturally increase the price.
M: Well, the government doesn't set the prices for the housing markets; we live in a free market, after all.
I: So who does?
M: Erm, no-one, really.
I: Thank you for your time, minister.

Soviet Humour - not "You'll die laughing" but "you'll laugh or you die"...

Here are a number of Soviet jokes I've had the pleasure of hearing. Hope you enjoy them too :)

A Communist, a Capitalist and a Socialist were walking down the street.
The Socialist turns to the others and says: "I'll just join this queue to get some butter"
The Capitalist says: "What's a queue?"
The Communist says: "What's butter?"

What do you call a musical quartet returning to the USSR after a foreign trip?
A trio.

A wolf is hunting in the forest and sees a rabbit.
The wolf jumps up to the rabbit and snarls: "Arrgghh, I'm going to eat you!"
The rabbit looks up at him blankly. "Have you got a meat coupon?"

An American Union boss goes on a trip to the USSR to take a look at working conditions.
He's shown inside a typical Soviet workplace and is shown around. In one corner he sees two men playing chess. A little further he sees a group of workers standing together smoking. In another area he sees two women making tea and chatting. In another office a man is on the phone talking to his wife.
As he leaves the building the American says to the workers: "Thanks for your time. And good luck on your strike!"

What is alive, 100 metres long, and lives on potatoes?
A line of people outside a meat shop.

At a newspaper stand, a man asks for a newpaper.
"Have you got "The Truth"?"
"No"
"What about "Communist"?"
"Sold out"
"What about the "Agriculture Daily"?"
"It's finished"
"What about "Labour"?"
"We have that for 2 kopeks"

A group of violinists were going on a foreign trip. The conductor was giving them some advice before leaving.
"Now, when we get to Germany, I want you to buy clothes. Then, when we get to Italy, sell the clothes and buy shoes. Then, when the get to Japan, sell the shoes and buy electronics. Then when we get back to the USSR you can sell the electronics"
One of of the violists puts a hand up.
"Should we sell the violins too?"

During the time of Gorbachev, a young boy asks his grandmother about Soviet leaders.
"What kind of leader was Lenin?"
The grandmother makes a look of disgust.
"Lenin was an evil man. He let the people of Russia starve in a famine"
"What about Stalin?"
"Stalin was evil man. He killed lots of people"
"What about Brezhnev?"
"Brezhnev was an evil man. He destroyed the Soviet economy"
"What about Gorbachev?"
"Let's see until after he dies"replies the grandmother.

Some countries are famous for their levels of secrecy.
In Germany, the workers don't know what their boss is doing. In France, the man doesn't know what the worker at the next desk is doing. But in the Soviet Union, the worker himself doesn't know what he is doing!

Communism is a system that allows people to solve the problems that wouldn't exist under any other system.