Being an English teacher gives you a unique perspective on the language. So, with consideration to many confused foreigners in mind, I've made a list of English phrases and so on, which could be easily misinterpreted by foreigners, with possible misinterpretations:
Spinach doesn't agree with me ("I had an argument with a spinach leaf, and now we're not talking to each other")
I couldn't agree with you more ("If I agree with you once again, I'll explode")
I feel like a cup of coffee ("I'm having an existential crisis at the moment")
Well I never! ("I'm always ill")
You're kidding! ("You're acting like a child")
Help yourself to whatever you like ("I'm not going to help you")
Suit yourself ("You need to buy a new suit")
It takes one to know one ("I can't add up even simple sums")
I'm all fingers and thumbs ("I've had an unfortunate episode at the plastic surgeon")
Take your time ("Don't forget your watch")
I'm always changing my mind ("I have frequent visits to the brain surgeon")
Feel free to speak your mind ("I don't mind if you start talking to yourself")
Pull yourself together ("Your arms and legs are falling off")
I'm struggling to make ends meet ("I have trouble finishing sentences")
I take after my father ("Like my father, I'm a thief")
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